I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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