Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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