Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
