he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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