I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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