I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
