Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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