He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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