even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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