He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize