I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
