Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
