if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
