...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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