who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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