He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
