Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
