At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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