how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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