i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
