I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
