great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
