Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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