so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
