Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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