If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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