so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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