there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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