umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
