I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
