That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
