I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
