Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
