All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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