Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
