There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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