I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
