yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
