shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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