Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
