The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
