Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
