Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
