Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
