isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
