i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
