So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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