Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
