Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
