i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Boobs are out for the taking
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
