I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
