Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize