All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
