im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
