So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
