he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
