i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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