I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
