Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize