woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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