I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize