I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
