i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
tell me about the eggs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
