Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
