just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
