too bad you live with your parents still
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
