Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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