Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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