the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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