i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize