Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Girls should come with a carfax report
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
