I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
