I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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